Missing My Girl

I have had so many good days in a row that it was bound to happen. A challenging day had to creep up on me. Today I woke up really tired and sad. Between Ethan and Isabel I literally slept two hours last night. It is a cloudy, sleepy, gloomy day to start with. The last two weeks have been  fun and busy. My friends have been trying to keep me busy and they are doing far beyond a good job! God knew what He was doing when he placed us here in Hudson. I noticed the crying is continuing to decrease. But today, is just hard. I miss my sweet, darling Sophia. I miss everything about her. My arms ache to hold her. I keep thinking I can't believe it has almost been two months since I last held my baby. This morning Isabel was downstairs playing and I ran up to my room to grab my tennis shoes. I sat down in my closet to put them on and started crying. Not just a few tears, but on the brink of sobbing. If I didn't have to get up and be a good mommy for sweet Bellie, I probably would have laid on my closet floor and just let myself cry and cry and cry. But I pulled it together so I could be the mommy Isabel needs.

This journey is not easy. It is hard. Harder than anything I have ever done. People often tell me how strong I am, what an encouragement I am, how they can't imagine what we are going through. And I have told people I wish I didn't have to be strong, I wish I was just the "old Sarah" and still had my baby girl, but here I am. I am this "new, strong Sarah". This is our life. We don't have any other choice than to be strong and carry on.  And besides the strength they see is not me anyway, it is purely God. Without God weaving the perfect scenarios in my life and holding me through this storm I would be far from strong. I keep finding myself so thankful. Thankful that God gave us his only son to save us from our sins so one day I can join my darling girl in Heaven. Whenever I think of that beautiful,wonderful gift I just bow down and worship. Wow, how great our God is! As God's promises wash over me, the tears begin slow and I am comforted. I am so glad that every time the sting of missing Sophia hits me I am reminded of the glorious promises of our Father.

Today I will let myself be sad and miss my sweet, baby girl. But I will also be happy and grateful for I know the missing of her is only temporary. I will see her and hold her again. I will also enjoy, love and be grateful for the many blessings I have on this earth.

This picture is of Sophia while she was still in the NICU. Isn't she completely and utterly the most precious and beautiful thing? I love how she is snuggling with her snoddle. Ugh, I wish were snuggling together in her rocker while her sister naps quietly in the next room. Oh, Sophia, you are a gift and I am so grateful I had you for the time I did, but Mommy misses you so much it hurts. You are beautiful, you are elegant, you are precious, you are wonderful and I know you are all those things in Heaven. You are the most perfect you ever. I love you my sweet gift from heaven.